Thank you for sharing your story and good on ya for hanging in there and getting the help you needed when you needed it most. I and several family members have suicidal ideation and related intrusive thoughts as frequent companions — it’s not a fun place to be. If you don’t like the way your meds feel, I encourage you to work with your Psychiatrist to find one that works with more livable side effects — they have an ever expanding toolkit and though it can be a rugged journey to find the right med(s) for you, it’s worth it when you get there. Keep on keepin’ on!